Lies

Even though developmentally and emotionally, it’s quite normal for young children to lie, being lied to feels really awful. In fact, kids less than 3-years-old don’t have the developmental capacity to intentionally lie. Kids who are between 3-7 years old have a difficult time discerning between fantasy and reality and the lies they tell often stem from their fantasy life. 

Children between 7-11 years old are old enough to understand that lying is wrong, the child may not fully grasp why there are rules and laws and often test the limits of those rules. Kids often lie to avoid feeling shame or to preserve their parents love. 

I have a couple of suggestions on how to set up a family value of honesty and respect. All children need to know very specifically what the family rules and values are. If telling the truth is an important value to your family then directly teach and discuss this value on a regular basis is important to children of all ages. If a child has lied to their parents, then it is important to explain how your child can re-establish trust in the family. Make sure to give your child some concrete examples about how he/she can re-earn your trust is a good place to start. At that time you can re-teach the family value of honesty and share your disappointment in their behavior and make sure to let your child know that you don’t like the behavior of being lied to but his/her behavior does not change how much you love your child.