Praise
We all want to praise and support our children. As parents, we want to tell our kids how great they are all the time. There has been some research out of Columbia University that shows general praise like “you are so smart” can actually cause unintended negative effects. If children are repeatedly told they are inherently smart, the studies show that these children will often fail to pursue learning a new skill if they don’t master it immediately. General praise can cause a child to lose some inquisitiveness and tenacity. Children who are praised for effort demonstrated that they were more willing to try hard, even if the task was difficult.
We use praise to help bolster our child’s self esteem. But what we often do is end up rescuing them from the uncomfortable and necessary failures and disappointments in life. Kids need to know that failure is not something to be feared. They need to learn to struggle and work through challenging situations in order to build a healthy frustration tolerance.
The best type of praise is specific. It is very easy to say, “great job!” but a much better acknowledgement is, “I like how you finished that difficult puzzle. You must be so proud of yourself.”