Welcoming a New Baby

Welcoming a new child is an exciting time for parents and it can be stressful for older siblings. I have a few suggestions for families to help ease the transition and to help set up a loving dynamic between older sibling and the new baby.

The first idea is to make sure your older child understands that a new baby is coming during the pregnancy and your goal is to help your older child get excited about the baby and feel connected to him/her. Talking about all the things the baby will learn from your older child.

Give the big sister/brother the opportunity to sit and hold the baby, helping him/her to support his head. Bonding experts say that babies' heads give off pheromones, and when we inhale them, we fall in love, and begin to feel protective. The more your older child snuggles the new sib, the better their relationship is likely to be.

Make sure each of your kids knows they still have an important role in the family. Reinforce all the wonderful things about who they are and how they contribute to the family. Talk often about the fact that each member of the family is important in their own way and makes their own special contribution. The family needs each person for it to be whole.

Naturally your child will be testing you to be sure you still love her. Keep your relationship with her as smooth and affectionate as possible, sidestepping power struggles and minimizing conflicts. But keep your usual limits, which will help her feel secure. 

Don't make everything about the baby. Keep your cooing over the baby for private times. Instead of saying you're waiting for the baby to wake up before you can go out to play, say you're waiting for the laundry to finish, or the casserole to bake, or for a phone call. Instead of "When I'm done with the baby I'll help you," say "I'll be there as soon as my hands are free."

You should expect grief. Your older child needs to grieve what he's lost: his exclusive relationship with you; his status as the only child. Research shows that when parents encourage the older siblings to see the baby as a real person, with feelings of his own, the siblings are more affectionate and protective with the baby.